I hate Pumpkin Pie

When I was a kid, my mom used to cook everything from scratch. She made these awesome Pumpkin Pies and would top them off with home made whipped cream. My sister and I used to fight over who go to lick the bowl when she was done, because that whipped cream was about the only thing with sugar in it that we were allowed to have.
One day I came home from school and on the counter were two Pumpkin Pies, fresh out of the oven with whipped cream on them. I stole a small bit of the whipped cream and put my school stuff away. I came back out and stole a little more. this went on and on until there wasn't much whipped cream left on top of those two pies.
Well our step dad came home and was pissed. He was an abusive person, both mentally and physically by nature so you can imagine how scared I was when he realized that I was the one who ate the whipped cream off those pies. I mean i was only 9 years old at the time and I knew there was a whipping coming.
Well he surprised me by telling me to sit down at the table with a fork and a napkin. I did as I was told and he promptly placed the first pie in front of me and told me to eat. I looked at him suspiciously as I took the first bite, thinking that as soon ass I took my eyes off of him I was going to get a smack to the head or something. But he just told me to continue to eat.
THIS is the best punishment ever, I thought to myself as I chowed down. But soon I began to get full and my pace slowed.
"keep going" he ordered. "But I'm full" I replied.
"I don't care, keep going. You started this, your going to finish it"
So I did what I was told and, tearfully ate until I had finished both pies. As soon as I was done, i ran to the bathroom and threw up for what seemed like forever.
TO this day, the smell of Pumpkin makes me nauseous.

Its funny how one small, seemingly irrelevant incident from our past changes everything in our future. The Pumpkin Pie incident hasn't had any crazy repercussions other than I don't eat sweets very often.

But I did start thinking about what else from my past holds me back in my present and I was surprised by what I found out about myself.

We didn't have much as kids. Without going into the nitty gritty of my childhood, lets just say we were poor. I hated not having nice things. I resented the rich kids who seemed to be granted their every wish by their parents. I was jealous and felt like I was not worthy of having these things.

So here I am as an adult. I have a beautiful home. I have owned awesome cars and Motorcycles and I have traveled the world.

But i keep finding myself in "survival" mode, living paycheck to paycheck, wondering if this cycle will ever end. As I laid in bed last night I finally asked God to help me break this cycle.
"What is holding me back from the greatness that I know I am capable of" I asked God? "Why do I constantly find myself in the same financial situations over and over again?"
And I found that I don't feel like I am worthy of being a rich kid. Don't get me wrong, I know how to make money. Lots of it. But when I make money, I spend until I am broke or as near to it as possible. And it all goes back to one small incident in life, like a Pumpkin Pie.
So, like I told my good friend Debbie a while ago, it is time for me to forgive and forget the past.

Today seems like a good day to start.

But I still hate Pumpkin Pie.